How I used psychology to come back from the worst year of my life

For me, the past year has been what might euphemistically be described as “challenging”. Not long after leaving a steady job for the freedom and financial insecurity of freelance life, it was made clear to me that my 25-year relationship with my wife would be ending in divorce, with all the upheaval that involves. My dad, meanwhile, has Alzheimer’s, so I’ve been travelling up and down the country to help my mum with his care.

To be clear, I’m aware many people face far worse. I’m oversharing on this occasion to explain why, having become aware of research showing that our mindsets have a huge influence on how we navigate life’s twists and turns, I decided I needed to shift my own. What could I do, in practical terms, to shift my perspective on divorce from “catastrophe” – something that left me feeling deeply sad and anxious about the future – to “opportunity for growth”? And how could I address the sense that the situation was ageing me prematurely, affecting my health now and potentially my longevity? In search of answers, I turned to the psychologists at the forefront of mindset research. At 44, I figured my mindsets would be deeply ingrained. And yet I was pleased to discover not only that researchers are investigating concrete mindset-shift strategies, but also that – for me, at least – one in particular proved remarkably effective. “It’s not magic,” says Alia Crum , a psychologist at Stanford University in California. “We know it works and we’re working to get a more sophisticated understanding of why, when and how.” At first glance, the term “ mindset ” sounds vague. For psychologists, however, it has a precise definition: a set of beliefs and expectations about how some aspect of the world works and what that means for us. “The way we think about it is as a belief about yourself or your environment that shapes your interpretations and actions,” says David Yeager, a psychologist at the University of Texas at Austin. “It’s your own intuitive, usually unspoken, theory about how things work – a theory that shapes what you look for, how you make sense of things and how you act.” What’s more, there is extensive evidence that mindsets affect many aspects of our lives .

Key points

• To be clear, I’m aware many people face far worse.
• I’m oversharing on this occasion to explain why, having become aware of research showing that our mindsets have a huge influence on how we navigate life’s twists and turns, I decided I needed to sh…
• What could I do, in practical terms, to shift my perspective on divorce from “catastrophe” – something that left me feeling deeply sad and anxious about the future – to “opportunity for growth”?
• And how could I address the sense that the situation was ageing me prematurely, affecting my health now and potentially my longevity?
• In search of answers, I turned to the psychologists at the forefront of mindset research.